Today I am writing because I feel incredibly weak but not without hope. In fact, I found that I was far more encouraged by my weakness than I have been for sometime. I will explain.
When I was a kid I thought I might like scary movies since all my friends did. Spoiler alert, I found I hated scary movies. I still do. They can so easily launch me into a state that leaves me floating in the awful emotions of worry & anxiety. Many times I would voluntarily sit with friends in a movie night that was filled with girly screams, from me & my buddies, & paranoid drives home thinking at any minute there could be an attack from that scary person/monster/alien/etc. The average horror movie offers up a cheap thrill which invites in a collection of thoughts & evil that never should never belong to any human. My tangent is nearly done.
There was a season, no more than half way into elementary school, when my dad purchased cable TV & there was a particular night I remember watching a terrible horror movie, one not even worth mentioning. The protagonists were strong & intelligent yet they could never overcome the antagonist. The villain prevailed & it seemed so contradictory to my very nature that it left me in a state of near catatonia. I was petrified. I thought that I was strong & intelligent but realized that I may be overdone by another more fierce & clever creature. So as my dad was tucking me into bed that night I made him promise he would see me in the morning because I was left so full of doubt & so sure of an impending attack. Ultimately that promise was not enough & I had to sleep in his bed for the next handful of nights. The only comfort was the refuge of my dad's bed. This step into horror movies made me so terribly aware of how weak I was & had no awareness of how to be strong. I had no idea who to call on to defeat the demons that were attacking my mind.
This is one of the million ways that weakness has found me. So often the face of weakness looks different; it looks like a hurt or betrayal from someone we trust, it looks like the loss of something or someone we love, it looks like anything that leaves us mindful that we are inadequate to fight on our own. Everyone, if they desire truth, will one day see that they are immeasurably weak on their own. This, ironically, is where everything gets better. As we sit in the lowly place of our weakness, thanks to the Spirit, fully aware that we cannot overcome the obstacle behind, before or within us, we find that our weakness will be the greatest fuel for our strength. In our weakness the power of Jesus is made perfect.
When we find our feeble bodies & minds siting right before us, our first impulse is often to desire strength & to find it within ourselves. The stronger I perceive myself to be the more I become an island. The further I push out to sea the worse off I am. Perceived strength is a driving force into isolation. This is a constant through our world. Have you every heard someone say, "I don't needs help here" or "I can do it on my own" & did it leave them in good company? There may be a time when what is they desire can be achieved but not forever & not without the cost of loneliness. Does an individual's strength push us into relationship or away?
The beautiful awareness of our weakness pushes us into relationship with Jesus when properly guided. Awareness of weakness in the world leaves us in addictions of various sorts. When we are weak & face it truly head on & ask Jesus into our lives, His spirit comes to live in us & His spirit is one of power. That is exactly what we are after & that is exactly what Jesus gives us.
So as we pray, may we ask for eyes to see the voids of weakness in our lives that Jesus can fill with His power. Our weakness is the fuel for His strength. On my own I hardly have strength to walk through my average day of blessing. With Christ I have in me a power that has overcome demons & death. There is nothing to fear, nor need to feel weak, when calling on the name of Jesus & sitting in His embrace. This is good news.
My prayer is to learn to rejoice in my weakness as Paul did,
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness,' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
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