It seems impossible to recount the times as a child that I was asked the question by family, friends or old-ladies at my moms work, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" In fact, every child is asked this or at least dreams of what they may do & what may make them happy. I would give my answer & get an affirming head pat or a "that was cute of him to say" giggle.
You see, I wanted to drive 7-Up delivery trucks because I loved semi-trucks & drinking 7 up soda-pop. My imagination told me of the joy I could bring to others when I dropped off a case of 7-Up & how eager they would be to see me return as I would drive off into the Colorado sunset in my super-awesome truck.
Currently I do not drive trucks filled to the brim with sugary beverages but I still see the value in my childhood ambition; bringing good to others & having joy in your work. As God would have it, I would not end up driving trucks, playing professional football or being doctor; He had something better in mind for me.
Last Halloween I wore my best slacks & tie into my first day of work. I nearly wore my Harry Potter costume but realized this may not be this first impression I want to have with my peers & staff. Each article of clothing was meticulously hung up the night before & my lunch was packed extra healthy for extra brain power. An excited kind of nervous overwhelmed me that morning that I awoke to several alarms thinking of all the preparation to this point & being thankful for all the great promises that had been seen to fruition. This coming Wednesday marks the end of my first year working as a nurse & I could not be more thankful or think of a place I would rather be.
My nursing relationship set off as two lovers destined to be. I woke with eagerness & excitement each morning & left each night with fullness & thanks. This was a season, like all seasons, that shifted. Soon the infatuation slipped away which forced me to trust deeper & work harder to find ways to love. The realization of how my patients were trusting me with their lives set in & nearly paralyzed me but God helped me to work each day as I prayed for safety & gentleness with my them. He put me with individuals & situations I had never dreamed of experiencing coming from my small, middle-class hometown of Berthoud. In short, in a job where I thought I would love & serve within the constraints of my imagination I was instead being broken down & rebuilt so I could love & serve in a far better way. In my 12 hour shifts I have been prayed for, cursed at, held a hand during a last breath & seen the joy in a face as a loved one opens their eyes again.
Perhaps my favorite part of any shift, which is not always a possibility, is to sit & ask someone about their life. We talk about what brought them here, how they have made it married 70 years or even what advise they could share with a young man like me. Recently I had a patient, a very kind middle aged man at the end up his life. For a half hour work slowed & I had the opportunity to sit with him at his bedside to talk about life, death & faith.
Before I left his room I asked him, "Do you feel at peace leaving here? Do you feel ready to go?" He responded, "Others will live longer than me but I have had so much love & forgiveness in a short time that I have no regrets. I would rather leave now with all this love, than for someone else to leave that has none at all. I am ready to go home." This is what he told me with a wrinkled smile as he was stuck in bed with tubes & IVs. His family walked in shortly after as I walked out barely holding it together.
Nursing has turned out to be far more than a job but a means to build me into a man that would love better & draw me nearer to my Father. It has been a way to build relationships, mend old wounds, be with someone when they need it most. As I step into my second year & hopefully many more, my hope is to carry joy & serve to my fullest; just as I wanted when my dream was to deliver soda-pop & drive off into a Colorado sunset.
