Violent Sea

There was need for rest and repair
For the men in the boat and for me
As we pressed toward a distant shore

And across the Sea of Galilee.

Some work finished and some to be done

For the men in the boat and for me

And the salty mists brushed our faces
To remind us that we were free.

A squall grew savage, our fear followed suit

For the men in the boat and for me
But who is The One who stood to the wind;

The One who calmed the violent sea?

Like the Dawn

It is winter here and there is solace in these sleep warmed sheets as the alarm beside me sounds off like gunfire forcing me along to my next assignment. The creaks and groans of the bed are synchronized with my movement as if to voice its disapproval with me leaving a cold, body shaped indention where a warm body used to lie. My eyes make a few tired blinks to work out the sleep and I respond quietly to the bed's groans.

"I don't like it anymore than you," I think to myself.

My wife is sleeping just inches away as I lean to kiss her before my feet make their final descent to the wooden floor below.

My toes make first contact with the frostbitten floor and quickly adjust to the coolness it offers. Just a few steps validate there will be no stopping the squeaking between the old boards beneath me as I delicately walk to the clothes laid out for work that day. I glace over my shoulder in hopes that this ancient security system of wooden floor boards which never surrender their popping and nudging one another has not awakened my wife, but it has. She smiles at me and reminds me she loves me. I gently close the door as I finish pulling the zipper of my coat to the point where it touches my chin.

Breath pours out like steam from a locomotive as the dry Colorado air seems to pull any moisture it can as it circulates in and out of my lungs. With each step away from my pleasantly outdated, 1960s apartment building the snow crunches to the rhythm of my walking and my eyes tiredly squint as they adjust to the increasing glow of the morning.

Down the block is my car and its neighbors sleeping beneath a blanket of ice and snow; seemingly content as I was in my sheets just a few minutes ago. My thoughts drift to my wife resting within our down comforter and then quickly snaps back as the first motorist of the day passes behind me with a startle and the cracking of fresh ice under the tires. My drivers side door resists my pull as it swings open and the snow sitting on its upper edge falls to cover my seat. I dust it off and sit down. As the key turns in the ignition the engine moves with relucatance as the pistons break free from their casings and ready themselves for work like horses from the stable.

While reaching for the ice scrapper I examine the windows and determine the next ten minutes of my day will be spent waking the neighbors to the melody of my grunting as the battle ensues against the thick layer of ice consuming the car. When the fight was well underway and victory was swiftly approaching it happened, in the most amazing way, the first true light of day. My eyelids were forced again to a sliver as my pupils struggled to accommodate this heavenly light pouring from the eastern horizon and reaching the peaks of the western mountains.

The mourning light began to flood the streets around me bringing its warmth back to the ends of my fingers and coursing hope through my veins. The city began to stir as long casting shadows emerged from their dreaming and the snow glittered down the sidewalks. I stopped the last of the scrapping to marvel at the sun and its light that flowed acrossed the earth, sky and down the mountain side like a paint can tipped from the shelf to spill itself across the floor.

With the ice scrapper in my gloved, right hand and my eyes now fully adjusted and fixed on the sun I whispered quietly so that only someone truly listening may here, "This is how I want to live, as the morning light spills to break the night. This is what I ask for today, to be like the first gleam of dawn."

"The path of the righteous is like this first gleam of dawn, 

Shining brighter till the full light of day."

(Proverbs 4:18)

Thoughts on War.

"The true soldier soldier fights not because he hates what is before him, but because he loves what is behind him." G.K Chesterton

War is a certain reality & takes several appearances. It is both personal & global, private & corporate. It invades countries, neighborhoods, schools, our hearts & thoughts. It is war in which soldiers lay down their lives for their country & it is also war that lives in the quietness of a home which no one ever sees. Currently, in my life, war has looked like anxiety which has placed a sort of havoc on my mind. It comes out of nowhere, looks to hold me captive & take aware the things dear to me. But, after two anxiety attacks, a few weeks of reflection & a few rounds to the counselor, the unease of anxiety is leaving some understanding in it's wake.

The Lord is not afraid of war or a fight, especially when He gets to fight for us (Exodus 14:14). He not only calls us to be soldiers (2 Timothy 2:3) but encourages us as warriors (Judges 6:12). I have stopped asking myself whether or not war is real or necessary, I believe it is both real & necessary while I am in the world. The question has taken different forms.

What truth is this war trying to reveal?

Am I willing to fight?

What in my life is sitting just beneath my understanding that war beckons me to look at?

What am I scared to death to examine or accept as true? Accept as false?

C.S. Lewis, who served in the British army during WWII, wrote, "The war creates no absolutely new situation; it simply aggravates the permanent human situation so we can no longer ignore it."

The posture of my spirit, be it passive or certain, motivated in anger or love, matters more than I have previously considered. What I have noticed is the little progress I have made in fighting battles while I only fight against the Enemy. While most of my victories exist in the moments I fight for something, not simply against. We all are inspired by the stories of the hero that dies for the love of his life, for his country or for his faith. Why do these selfless heroes & their stories over shadow the story of the one who fights in anger? Why do we cheer along  the superhero protecting an innocent person rather than root for the villain whose intent is to destroy? The answer is sitting before us. The one who fights out of love is better equipped for battle & there is something about their fight that registers with our very being. Without having to try, we want the righteous soldier to prevail, it's a story etched in our bones & embedded in our DNA. The posture of our heart matters eternally as we walk into war.

I believe I am made to fight &, if I am being honest, I do it everyday. Somedays the fight is noble, others not so much. But the war in my life is real. The villains are real. The Savior who fights for me & alongside me is real. As soon as I accepted this my life changed. I see it now as clear as I have seen anything & each day I see it clearer still as the Enemy looks to seize my life, my marriage, family, friends & anything I hold dear. But there is so much that I love which motivates me & infinitely more that Jesus loves. When Jesus went to war with Death, His greatest motivation was His love for us.

So the question is not whether or not war is real but am I willing to fight? If I am not, prehaps I should. For if I choose the life of a pacifist, my enemy will not. If I choose to fight in hate, the one who fights in love will overcome me, just as it should be.

Teeth Fall Out

God gave us teeth on purpose, you know?
running around town with empty, eager pales
we were young monsters then & we would scream & shout
and we would eat candy until our teeth fell out.

God gave us teeth again; big, shinny & new
all so we could eat cake, laugh & smile.
we would scream, shout & keep them sparkly white
and we would brush our teeth every day & night.

Once more our teeth disappeared but with none to spare
so we stayed at home & filled the eager, empty pales
and with our gummy smiles we would scream & shout
that we still love each other even though our teeth fell out!

The Hero's Door

His father was early as he walked through the door.
The son ran into his open arms as tears would collide with the floor.

Together they untied his boots; the ones that were tired, dusty & tore.
And the son held tight to his father's leg as he wept, "Please don't go anymore."

His father smiled gently as he picked up his boy & whispered to him
Softly, "Being home with you is my greatest joy."

He watched his father kiss his mother & with his thumb wipe away her tear.
Then they sat to eat together as they hadn't done in a year.

 It was late when his father lay him down to sleep & the son asked, "Daddy, will you stay with me?"
His father tucked in the covers of his superhero bed & whispered, "I will always be with you & you will always be free."

The boy woke early the next day, before the sun had rose. He went to try on 
His father's boots while thinking, "One day I will fit into those."

It was not long until the father needed to leave once more. So the son woke early
To clean his father's boots & to watch him walk out the hero's door.

His father sent letters & stories back to their small, suburban home,
"I am always with you, so you will never be alone."

Soon there came a knock & two serious men that stood outside. The son peaked around the dress
Of his mother while they spoke & all three of them cried.

The son grew into a man like David & always kept his father's letter.
For when he read the words, "You will never be alone." He would always feel better.

The son now had a wife & daughter of his very own & with every passing night
He would whisper to them both, "I am always with you. You will never be alone"

The day came with haste as he went to board the plane walking through an isle of salutes.
But he was caught by his daughter who said through her tears, "You have a smudge on your boots."

With her tears she cleaned them & sniffled, "Daddy, you are my best friend. Will you come home to mommy & me?"
He smiled gently at his daughter & said, "There is no greater friend than the one that leaves you free."

Fuel for Strength

Today I am writing because I feel incredibly weak but not without hope. In fact, I found that I was far more encouraged by my weakness than I have been for sometime. I will explain.

When I was a kid I thought I might like scary movies since all my friends did. Spoiler alert, I found I hated scary movies. I still do. They can so easily launch me into a state that leaves me floating in the awful emotions of worry & anxiety. Many times I would voluntarily sit with friends in a movie night that was filled with girly screams, from me & my buddies, & paranoid drives home thinking at any minute there could be an attack from that scary person/monster/alien/etc. The average horror movie offers up a cheap thrill which invites in a collection of thoughts & evil that never should never belong to any human. My tangent is nearly done.

There was a season, no more than half way into elementary school, when my dad purchased cable TV & there was a particular night I remember watching a terrible horror movie, one not even worth mentioning. The protagonists were strong & intelligent yet they could never overcome the antagonist. The villain prevailed & it seemed so contradictory to my very nature that it left me in a state of near catatonia. I was petrified. I thought that I was strong & intelligent but realized that I may be overdone by another more fierce & clever creature. So as my dad was tucking me into bed that night I made him promise he would see me in the morning because I was left so full of doubt & so sure of an impending attack. Ultimately that promise was not enough & I had to sleep in his bed for the next handful of nights. The only comfort was the refuge of my dad's bed. This step into horror movies made me so terribly aware of how weak I was & had no awareness of how to be strong. I had no idea who to call on to defeat the demons that were attacking my mind.

This is one of the million ways that weakness has found me. So often the face of weakness looks different; it looks like a hurt or betrayal from someone we trust, it looks like the loss of something or someone we love, it looks like anything that leaves us mindful that we are inadequate to fight on our own. Everyone, if they desire truth, will one day see that they are  immeasurably weak on their own. This, ironically, is where everything gets better. As we sit in the lowly place of our weakness, thanks to the Spirit, fully aware that we cannot overcome the obstacle behind, before or within us, we find that our weakness will be the greatest fuel for our strength. In our weakness the power of Jesus is made perfect.

When we find our feeble bodies & minds siting right before us, our first impulse is often to desire strength & to find it within ourselves. The stronger I perceive myself to be the more I become an island. The further I push out to sea the worse off I am. Perceived strength is a driving force into isolation. This is a constant through our world. Have you every heard someone say, "I don't needs help here" or "I can do it on my own" & did it leave them in good company? There may be a time when what is they desire can be achieved but not forever & not without the cost of loneliness. Does an individual's strength push us into relationship or away?

The beautiful awareness of our weakness pushes us into relationship with Jesus when properly guided. Awareness of weakness in the world leaves us in addictions of various sorts. When we are weak & face it truly head on & ask Jesus into our lives, His spirit comes to live in us & His spirit is one of power. That is exactly what we are after & that is exactly what Jesus gives us.

So as we pray, may we ask for eyes to see the voids of weakness in our lives that Jesus can fill with His power. Our weakness is the fuel for His strength. On my own I hardly have strength to walk through my average day of blessing. With Christ I have in me a power that has overcome demons & death. There is nothing to fear, nor need to feel weak, when calling on the name of Jesus & sitting in His embrace. This is good news.


My prayer is to learn to rejoice in my weakness as Paul did,

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness,' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

The Race Before Us

Today was spent in the southern part of the state, seated in an auditorium on a hillside watching a dear friend graduate from college. What an incredible blessing to be there, back on my old campus, watching another person attain something incredible, something they intend to use as a vehicle for God's love.

The ceremony was beautiful. After it's close I walked out while it was still early in the day with the sun high & illuminating Pikes Peak & a barely visible trail up the side of the mountain know as the 'Incline'. It had been over a year since I had gone to climb the Incline but something about it today left me yearning for the challenge it offered. I had a set of gym cloths with me & little else. So after a brief lunch with my good friends I set off westward to encounter a challenge & spend some time with God.

The Incline has become famous in southern Colorado for it uniqueness. It is a trail aimed perfectly linearly of the side of Pikes Peak's base. The trail begins at over 9,000 feet in elevation & less than one mile later it spits you out at over 11,000 feet. The air is thin here, the steps to the top number in the thousands, the grade of the trail exceeds %60 in many spots & I am like a chubby kid in a skinny body. I undertook this challenge with the understanding I am in poor shape for it.

Regardless, I set out. I started at a steady pace, one where I could talk quietly to God as I walked, one that would not set any land speed records. Soon I felt the pains of lactate building in my legs & the burn of Colorado altitude on my lungs. I wanted to take a break soon after I had started &, normally, I would.

But my small conversation with God quickly turned into Him challenging me. In whispers that only my soul can hear He would speak.

"God, my lungs hurt."

"You can't stop"

I would set my eyes on the next goal & slowly press on.

"Lord, feel like I shouldn't have done this. Are you sure I can make it without stopping."

"Yes. You can't stop."

"But God, if you are telling me I can't stop I will need the endurance to make it."

"You can't stop."

It was clear for me in this small adventure that He was asking me to develop my endurance by asking Him, by trusting Him just alittle. My legs continued to burn, as did my lungs but first the first time I never stopped on my way to the top of the Incline. As I resolved to press on despite my physical state I realized what He was asking me to do in the other races of my life; work, relationships, engagement, in serving &, come July, marriage. In these seasons I can't rest unless it is in Him. My endurance must come from Him if I wish to finish the race. When I am married this July there will not come a day when I wake up & say,

"Lord, this marriage hurts too bad. I need to stop."

I know He will surely reply,


"You can't stop."

The beautiful redeemed part of me was overwhelmed with joy for this. I don't want to stop running the race, regardless the pain. This is a bold statement, I know, but the Lord gives freely all the endurance, strength & will that we ask Him for. It is His joy to see us to the end of the race & to give us what we need to persevere. For at the end, He will place on us the Victor's Crown, the crown of eternal life.

In 44 minutes I stepped over the last step & onto the top. I didn't stop the whole way. I felt a closeness to God I hadn't when I stood from the bottom of the trail those few minutes before. I held in the strongroom of my heart a renewed confidence to finish the race set before me.


"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders & sin that so easily entangles, & let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." (Hebrews 12:1)

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." (James 1:12)