It was a very blustery day in Denver but also a day off work so the rain could do nothing to damper my spirits. My apartment gutters were overflowing with a long overdue monsoon, bringing these Colorado fires closer to an ends. The storm drains only barely kept up as small rivers flowed down the gutters of the city. The view was enhanced as I took to the wheel of my little truck; there is a unique charm when driving in a summer rain storm.
I recently replaced my windshield wipers. This may seem like a silly fact except for my view was exceptional because of it. The clouds were towering but white as ever & far bigger the our cities skyscrapers. My targets were clear as I speedily swerved to hit all the puddles I could; always feeling beams of joy as rain water exploded over the hood of my truck. But, even with the freedom of a day off, soon enough I felt something was missing so I did what any good boy should, I called my mother.
My mom always has insight & wisdom to share; almost every time we talk there is something great she offers me. When she speaks she speaks from experience & love, being a nurse over 30 years now she has plenty to teach me. Today we talked over something brutally honest & entirely real, suffering.
Whether or not I like to admit it, most of the days in my life have had some element of suffering. There is much joy to be had in each day but also much suffering. The kind of suffering in my life is a personal kind, the kind another might see & think nothing of it but it is life changing to me. I suffer because of what I have done, from the things I know & the things I don't. I suffer because those I love suffer & so many other reasons.
We all suffer & if this is going to happen in our lives we may as well take a moment to understand how to do it well.
There are two thoughts & a question I carry with me day to day in relation to this suffering. The first is something my big brother shared with me some time ago. Making a long story very short, one day I woke my brother up from a mid afternoon nap & asked him, " Sam, how do I let go? How do I find myself truly well?" He told me with a yawn & a smile, "Jackson, don't pretend you are anywhere other than where you are. Don't pretend to feel anything other than what your are feeling. For a short time understand exactly what it is you are going through. Then, in that understanding, give it up in prayer. Whatever it may be." This is the first thing I do my best to remember. The second is the wisdom found in the Book of James chapter 1 where he writes, "Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you my mature and complete, not lacking anything." Each time I face trial in my life & I choose to turn it over to God, I mature. God gives purpose even to my pain.
The final thing I carry with me is a multifaceted question; am I willing suffer each day? But, even more, what am I willing to suffer for? If I choose to endure the day only for myself my strength will fall short. If I choose to suffer for others but look to myself for sturdiness, I will let them down ultimately. But, if only for a second, I can ask God for guidance He will see me through. He is the the only one in my life that has never let me down, the only one that has always been true.
My brother gave a a prayer card the other day with an inscribed prayer from Saint Teresa, it says this...
"Let nothing disturb you, nothing frighten you.
All things are passing.
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Nothing is wanting to him who posses God.
God alone suffices."
If we are to suffer, let us suffer well.
